Audition Information for Student Directed Show 2019
Auditions will be held this Thursday from 3:15 -5:00
Please plan to stay until 5:00 if you can. The last 20 minutes will be used for callbacks, and you will likely want to be there for that. (But if you must leave early - we can put you in an early audition group.)
The 1st rehearsal will be Mon. Nov. 17th
What to Prepare for Auditions
Become familiar with this scene. Ready to read any of the 4 characters.
Prepare 2 monologues from the list below. Gender of the characters doesn’t matter.
No need to print the scene or monologues. Hard copies will be available at Thursday’s audition.
At Thursdays’s audition, you will be asked about any conflicts you may have on our rehearsals days between now and the performances dates - which are Sat. Dec. 14th at 7:30 and Sun. Dec. 15th at 2:00.
Regular rehearsal days will be Mon, Tues & Thurs. from 3:15-5:00. Please be prepared to write down any conflicts with those dates.
There will be NO rehearsals over vacation.
AUDITION SCENE FROM - Sarcasm 101
Mr. Bennett: Oh, and class, whoever parked in my space, thank you. I enjoyed the walk.
Kevin: You’re welcome.
Mr. Bennett: Yeah, there’s nothing like an hour in the rain.
Jane: Oh, wait-wait-wait! Oh, I get it. You’re saying that because you don’t want him to park in your spot.
Mr. Bennett: Very good, you win the trip to Jamaica!
Kevin: Hey, wait a minute! You didn’t say there was a prize.
Mr. Bennett: (pauses for a second) Wow, could you be any stupider? (Marissa enters)
Marissa: Excuse me, is this Sarcasm 101?
Mr. Bennett: No, it’s Lamaze class for men named Arthur.
Marissa: Oh, okay, sorry. (Turns to leave)
Mr. Bennett: I’m kidding. This is Sarcasm 101. Be more gullible. Take any seat you want. (Marissa begins to cross to a “seat”). Except that one. I’m kidding. Sit down.
Marissa: It’s really hard to tell.
Mr. Bennett: Thank you. What’s your name?
Mr. Bennett: Well done. Marissa has just learned what? Anyone, anyone, Bueller?
Jane: When properly executed, good sarcasm is difficult to tell apart from normal speech.
Kevin: Could you be more of a teacher’s pet?
Marissa: You’re just being rude.
Jane: Way to take a joke, Marissa.
Mr. Bennett: Good one.
Marissa: You people are cruel!
Mr. Bennett: No, no, no, try saying it, “Could you be any meaner?”
Marissa: Well I don’t think you could be.
Jane: Marissa, why are you even here?
Marissa: My mother says I have no sense of humor.
Kevin: Mr. Bennett, I was wondering if we could waste more time catering to Marissa’s mommy issues instead of actually learning something?
Jane: Good one, Kevin.
Marissa: I don’t see what’s so funny!
Tom: Now there’s a shocker.
Derek: (to a police office). Have you gone mad? What’s the matter with you? I thought that the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law enforcement unit. You can’t even spell! You have no idea how much of my hard earned cash goes to taxes, and for what? To underfund this miserable excuse of a police station.
Montresor: (to the audience) The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had born as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult I had vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I even once gave utterance to a threat. At length, I would be avenged; this as a point definitely settled, but it must be understood that neither by word nor deed had I ever given Fortunato any cause to doubt my good will.
Husband: Honey, I don’t want to keep bringing this up, but could you stop making these? I don’t like them very much. I don’t want to sound insensitive, but have you noticed how much weight you gain when you have these? And let's be honest here, they don’t smell good. I just have no use for them. They’re fun to make, but I don’t like having to deal with them.
Presenter: Good evening. Tonight is indeed a unique occasion in the history of television. We are very privileged, and deeply honored to have with us in the studio, Karl Marx, founder of modern socialism, and author of the "Communist Manifesto". And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. The Hammers - The Hammers is the nickname of what English football team? (pause - wait for response). “The Hammers? (pause - wait for response). No? Well bad luck there, Karl.
Zeus: Order! Order, order! I, Zeus, King of the Gods, have summoned you all to Mount Olympus because, somehow, the Greek economy has collapsed! I know! No, I know! I was as surprised as you are! I mean, after all, the Greeks are widely known as a hard-working, industrious people. You know, a people willing to labor week in, and week out, three days a week, one hour a day until the age of forty-five. But today, we Gods must come to their aid. So, quick, let us hear from the Greek God of Finance!
Vince Blight: Alright! Hello, hello, hello! And welcome to “What’s That Name?” The rules are simple: We show you a person, and you tell us their name! Our contestants today are: Jake, a CFO at Smith & Price; and Carolyn, a senior partner at Chapman Real Estate. And the first question goes to Jake: He’s Subway’s #1 spokesman. What’s That Name, Jake?
Michelangelo: Well I wanted to give the impression of a real last supper. You know, not just any old last supper. Not like a last meal or a final snack. But you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blow-out, you know? I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it "The Last But One Supper"! If there was a last one there must have been a one before that, so this, is the "Penultimate Supper"! The Bible doesn't say how many people were there now, does it?
Historian: Unfortunately the Pope did not like the revisions Michelangelo made to “The Last Supper.” He thought that simply changing most of the disciples into Kangaroos was not the right way to reduce the number of people in the painting. Michelangelo was put to death shortly after but he was able to escape to Australia where he continues to run free to this day. Thank you all for watching, this has been History In Action.
God: You’re dead. On the bright side, you lived a pretty decent life. And you made it, You made it into heaven. But you cannot go in yet. We weighed your sins against your virtues and...Well you are gonna have to spend a smidge of time in hell. Maybe 3 to 4 months? Or was it 5? Enough about that though. Once you spend your time in hell you get to go to heaven! Yay!
Good Cop: Take a seat Sir. Now we are looking for information on the murders of Hunter Wasser, the leader of the “Play Freebird Society,” and master frog trainer Noah Chabot. Witnesses place you at the scene of the crime. You are our prime suspect. What do you have to say for yourself? (pause for response). Alright, so you’re not much of a talker huh? Alright I guess we will have to bring in your worst nightmare. (shouts offstage). Bring in Bad Cop.
The MMU Theatre Department produces theatre throughout the entire school year.
In the Fall - we produce a Straight Play, in the winter we put on Student Directed Scenes and One-Acts.
We produce a spectacular Musical in the Spring, and we close the school year with The Senior Theatre Production (a show produced and performed by Seniors).
Contact: Candy Padula Theatre Department Director at email@example.com